The list of reasons for not giving feedback, responding to what someone else said or trying to fix someone in a CR share group meeting could be numbered in the hundreds. However, I am just going to stick with five. These may not be the top five reasons, but they are extremely important ones.
1: We are not anyone’s Holy Spirit.
One of the many destructive and compulsive behaviors a lot of us come into CR with is the desire to control people, places and things. We want to play God. In doing this we are actually getting in the way of what God can do in a person’s life. The question to ask our self is “am I better at determining what this person needs than God is?’
2: We are not counselors, therapist or psychiatrists.
While some of us may be or might have been at one time, none of us should be in the role of a professional. Even counselors are not supposed to give a lot of advise. Imagine what it would be like if CR did not have this guideline. How many churches and individuals could be help responsible for someone giving really bad advise in a share group. None of us should put our CR group and our church at jeopardy by giving even the friendliest amount of feedback or advise in a meeting.
3: Giving advise or feedback in a meeting fosters Codependency
We didn’t come to CR to get more unhealthy. We came because we were seeking an alternative to the dysfunctional lifestyle we were trapped in. Giving feedback to members of a share group feeds the monster of codependency. It keeps us from being in the group and addressing our own issues. It keeps us stuck.
4: Giving advice or feedback creates an unsafe environment
People are coming to CR for answers. The answers they are looking for have to be from God. I may feel like I have the perfect thing to say to someone. But the truth is only God has the perfect answer. We are there to support and encourage. Providing feedback creates an unsafe environment for people to share openly and honestly. If someone is providing feedback, there may be people in the group who will not share because they don’t want to open themselves up to feedback. We never want to discourage anyone who needs to share.
5: Crosstalk and fixing are the best way to ensure your group does not grow and will eventually die.
Crosstalk is the best way to kill a group. Where there is crosstalk and fixing, a group cannot be healthy and grow. If we want our CR groups to grow we have to provide a safe place where people will want to come back and share openly about their struggle. If we don’t provide an atmosphere of safety, people will not come back to the group.